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Trigger Warning: Multiple crises declared simultaneously as middle class learn what living in UK is really like

July 3, 2016

Loki The Scottish Rapper

Multiple crises were declared today as middle class people suddenly found out life in the UK is not how Jeremy Vine describes.

Thousands of economically insulated professionals took to social media in the wake of Brexit to express shock about what a vulgar and uncivilised country they are actually living in.

An NHS spokesperson claimed Diazepam prescriptions  – Valium for middle class people – were up two-fold as Peckhams  reported a 56% increase in the sale of fine wines that do not carry a social stigma when consumed on a daily basis.

A Waitrose food distribution specialist said:  “People have been acting very panicked since Brexit.  Incidents of people complaining about being under-charged are down by a third.”

“This is the worst crisis I can remember.”

A string of sentimental, patronising and emotionally indulgent social media posts and online campaigns have been launched as middle class people everywhere move quickly…

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